Sinners, The Pitt and Possibility Porn

+a candy review, breathing exercises and the juicy bits

Hi and happy Met Gala comedown,

A few weeks ago, I was riding back from a dinner upstate. It was one of those rare and magical impromptu New York nights where saying yes unfurls a yellow brick road full of decadent warm feelings and surprises and even though you get home *way* later than you’d like, it all still feels worth it somehow.

I was in the front seat, sharing with our generous and patient driver that I’ve been feeling a little depresso martini since leaving the South, but bright pockets like that evening have kept me going. Listening to people talk about starting a residency, or people land-sharing in Virginia, or hearing about a group of Black women starting a collective in Costa Rica has felt like tangible anchors to grab onto.

Ah, she replied sagely, you’re finding the possibilitarians. The term is apparently often tossed around at Bread and Puppets, a radical theater based out of Vermont, but as soon as I heard it, I knew exactly what she meant.

A few weeks ago, I saw “Sinners” along with the rest of America and thoroughly enjoyed the spectacle of a Black cinema event. People keep asking me what I think about the movie, and let me tell you - it’s a total pleasure to not need to immediately know. (I mean, I have some INITIAL thoughts - I’m impressed by the ambition and cinematography and the deep research that went into the dramaturgy of the characters, but there’s no need to rush to rest until I’ve seen it a few more times.)

Once upon a time I had a podcast where it was my job to figure out what I thought about everything right away but thankfully that’s not my reality right now. I’m still digesting the dancefloor scene, the gorgeous deployment of mysticism, Remmick’s relationship to Christianity, what the Natives knew and where tf they went. The way the juke joint came alive with Pearline’s singing. The embodiment of the characters and the sensuality of it all. But what I’m enjoying the most right now is the chatter around it. The lines, the overhead bits of conversation, the deeply linked tweets, the Reddit discourse, the snippy headlines (and pushback) about Ryan Coogler’s unusual deal with Warner Bros. To see people so lit up - it lit something up inside of me. People are really activated by the film, the flagrant display of agency and authority and ownership of intellectual property. Of continuing to make a way out of no way, which feels as important as the material content of the film itself. It reveals something malleable about power dynamics and perception of an industry. It allows for energy, renewed vigor. Maybe even some hope.

It’s bananagrams to follow talking about “Sinners” by talking about “The Pitt.” But I’m about to do it. While I was living in Durham, I got soft-bullied into watching the show. It wasn’t on my radar: I was never an “ER” guy and went through a pretty impressive “Grey’s Anatomy” rewatch last year and felt like my quota had been reached for nighttime dramas about horrible plane crashes and train crashes and car crashes or people with trees growing out of their bellies or whatever the fuck curse Seattle Grace happened to be dealing with that week. And someone who has (and still is) dealing with a lot of heavily medicalized interactions, shows about hospitals, the chaotic healthcare system and overworked medical professionals is not my go-to choice for decompression. But people kept asking me if I’d seen it, they wanted to talk about it, and I’m a sucker for a good group chat about a popular trend so I watched it. And couldn’t stop. And when I was done, I restarted it.

I found the format and the writing to be utterly compelling, but it also had a point of view about the American health care system. Noah Wylie has given many great interviews, but I liked this one in Variety where he talks about his desire “to make a show that brings back into sharp focus what an objective medical fact is.” Like, yes! We may have to live in the Upside Down, but can we agree that its the Upside Down?! It’s not just that the show understands that masks cut down on transmissible diseases and vaccines are useful, it also understands the way institutions break people down and force them to dehumanize themselves and others to cope with the inhumanity of our overloaded systems and infrastructures, and the way that in itself is an epidemic. That the caregivers can only do their best with the resources they’re given. The characters on the show refuse that, again and again, whether it be dealing with sickle cell patients, suspected shooters, the portrayal of Filipina nurses. It’s not an utopic show by any means, but it understands that the radicality of empathetic care, and how meaningful small gestures can be when you’re sick and seeking help.

In a time when very little makes sense — and in fact, is deliberately obfuscated and confused to confound as a global tactic — the possibilitarians and pop culture possibility porn is keeping me sane.

deeper breathing

The other afternoon at acupuncture, my practitioner loaded me up with needles and got me settled in for the long nap. Before she went back to her desk, she stood alongside my body, just watching me breathe. She observed that I was barely engaging my diaphragm, taking short and shallow breaths out of the top of my chest. When she pointed it out, I realized that I often limit my breathing in New York — my absolute worst case scenario is trying to get a large lungful of fresh oxygen and pulling in a mouthful of pee air. But I do it so much so that I forget to revert it when I’m in a safe zone. She had me visualize pulling air into my abdomen and filling it up from there, before letting out a deep exhale. I did this a few times, feeling my heart slow down and my shoulders drop. Sharing this here in case it’s a helpful reminder for your day.

candy review

As an unmedicated ADHD’er, around 330/4PM, my dopamine drops and I lose focus. My go-to is something sugary or caffeine, but that either spikes my anxiety or my blood sugar and makes me almost immediately need a nap. I came across these colorful Blobs on a whim and ordered a fuckload. The green ones taste the best, but they all have a perfect chew-to-dissolve ration and enough resistance to get a few satisfying chomps off, but not enough to trigger any latent TMJ. Highly, highly recommend for oral fixation and an afternoon snack.

the juicy bits

A.J asked me what I’d toss into my spiritual go-bag.

20 Things You Can Do to Counter Fascism zine (via Ani and Kaveh)

You can now stream the Oscar-winning documentary “No Other Land” online — and all proceeds will go to the Palestinian communities currently being displaced. Also on my must-watch list: The Encampments, about the student protests that ignited at Columbia, featuring Mahmoud Khalil, who is still detained.

My birthday twin and boo Madison McFerrin had a Tiny Desk! Very excited for her new album, called, tantalizingly, “Scorpio.”

The Bureaucratic Nightmares of Being Trans Under Trump

We’re all feeling it: NYC has turned into a content playground. Enjoying some of the TikTok responses to Brock’s timely West Village piece (that somehow only manages to use the word white to mention the color of clothing.)

I had the pleasure of making a short cameo in Fati’s upcoming film, which is going to be hilarious. They’re still fundraising so if that’s within your means, you know what to do.

Very excited to see Heightened Scrutiny, directed by Sam Feder (of “Disclosure”), my dear Chase Strangio as he battles for trans rights and against trans bias in the media.

As always, thanks for sticking with me. Till next time <3